I am getting bored of the same routine, seeing kids escape their problems with drugs everyday, seeing their emotions flux within a micro second on their face, and how they instantly react when certain things are said; too lost in intoxicant to realize how transparent they’re being. It just makes me realize how much I have fucked up. How stuck I am and how lonely I feel.
There are a few people I am excited to see in my day. The last four days have been amazing, I am surrounded by those amazing people that make me happy and I don’t worry for a while. But I cannot get past the fact that nothing lasts forever, and everyone leaves and I am scared.
My head is a strobe light, I am constantly interpreting body language and emotion, I watch everyone around me, if they want me there if I am annoying If they look around for others, pr mention them a lot in my company. I’m excited to be around people but relieved the moment I am not. I spent 20 minutes after leaving people today just sitting in the same shitty places I used to, freezing my tits off just so I could be alone.
I am close to no one I used to be, I find it hard to even relate to anyone anymore. Keeping contact is hard and I am constantly scared, that the attention I pay is unwanted and interrupting and just annoying. I can’t say what I want to say out loud with out a lump in my throat. I can’t express too much without feeling vulnerable. But I feel safe with Zak, so maybe I’m okay for now.0 notes /// Reblog